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People pleasing as survival strategy

„People-pleasing“ is an adaptive behaviour that once was an effective survival strategy to keep us safe. It has become habituated, either to gain something (e.g acknowledgement, acceptance, approval, sense of belonging) or to avoid something (e.g fear of rejection).

It may be effective in the short term, but can lead to burnout, health issues and relationship struggles. We end up feeling resentful and taken advantage of, whilst it was our own behaviour rooted in suppressed emotional charge, feelings of unworthiness, fear of conflict or rejection and self-judgement or blame towards the other, that contributed to a lack of boundaries.

Change starts with awareness.

The following behaviour has nothing to do with being nice, it is people-pleasing:

❃ not expressing your true feelings to avoid conflict ❃ not asserting healthy boundaries in fear of rejection ❃ accepting blame to avoid conflict or to keep the peace ❃ worrying more about what others think than what you think ❃ committing to things without even considering your needs ❃ saying “yes” when your gut is screaming “noooooo” ❃ struggling to ask for help in fear of rejection or humiliation ❃ going out of your way to accommodate people

Suppressing your emotions and needs for a sense of safety or connection is a survival response.

Learn to process your suppressed emotions with somatic-base inquiry.

Learn being authentic and kind to yourself.

Then you will find the freedom of being kind to yourself and others - where an authentic "No." also becomes part of your true choice.

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